Before Brexit, one of the greatest causes of arguments amongst British families was the question of the nature of Jaffa Cakes. Some argue that their size and host environment (the biscuit aisle) should make them a biscuit in their own right. Others consider that their physical properties (e.g. they harden rather than soften on becoming stale) suggest that they are in fact cake. In order to finally put this debate to rest, we re-purpose technologies used to classify transient events. We train two classifiers (a Random Forest and a Support Vector Machine) on 100 recipes of traditional cakes and biscuits. Our classifiers have 95 percent and 91 percent accuracy respectively. Finally we feed two Jaffa Cake recipes to the algorithms and find that Jaffa Cakes are, without a doubt, cakes. Finally, we suggest a new theory as to why some believe Jaffa Cakes are biscuits.